Today is not a good day.
I should have known by the flatness in her eyes.
Today is the type of day that makes me question God. Why would he allow a baby to have a stroke? A defenseless little baby who hasn’t even taken her first breath…what did she do to deserve these challenges?
I know I should be thankful that she is doing as well as she is. So many other pediatric stroke survivors don’t make it to her age, and if they do they have even more difficulties…cerebral palsy, various forms of paralysis, even more neurological issues.
Yes, I am thankful that she is here, walking, talking, feeding herself. But I am angry. I am so unbelievably angry that my eight year old has trouble counting to 20 sometimes. That almost any child who has finished kindergarten can read better than she can.
Today, she can’t concentrate.
Today, she can’t even begin to control her emotions. She is a live wire just waiting for a spark to ignite into a fit you can’t imagine, unless you’ve seen it for yourself.
Today, I am defeated.