Today is not a good day.

I should have known by the flatness in her eyes.

Today is the type of day that makes me question God. Why would he allow a baby to have a stroke? A defenseless little baby who hasn’t even taken her first breath…what did she do to deserve these challenges?

I know I should be thankful that she is doing as well as she is. So many other pediatric stroke survivors don’t make it to her age, and if they do they have even more difficulties…cerebral palsy, various forms of paralysis, even more neurological issues.

Yes, I am thankful that she is here, walking, talking, feeding herself. But I am angry. I am so unbelievably angry that my eight year old has trouble counting to 20 sometimes. That almost any child who has finished kindergarten can read better than she can.

Today, she can’t concentrate.

Today, she can’t even begin to control her emotions. She is a live wire just waiting for a spark to ignite into a fit you can’t imagine, unless you’ve seen it for yourself.

Today, I am defeated.


About americankat

I am an American expat living in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates. Most of my time is spent creating, trying to keep my two kids occupied, and trying to satiate my wanderlust. is where I (sporadically) share these adventures.
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5 Responses to Defeated.

  1. Brad says:

    Sometimes we need to fall apart to see what we’re made of. Defeat today? Triumphant tomorrow! This is beautiful. She is beautiful.

  2. Alicia S. says:

    I can’t begin to image the struggles you guys endure because of her health issues. I can only say that regardless of the trials she faces, she will overcome them…how do I know this? Because she has a strong mama standing by her side, guiding her, helping her and loving her. You are a strong woman and little bit sees that in you. What you model for her is what she will model herself after. She is a strong kid. I don’t understand why God lets things happen to people but I know he gave you A. because he knew you were the best possible choice as a parent to this little fireball. =D

  3. Pingback: ADNIC Yas Run 2013 | American Kat

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